Happy Anniversary!

Today is the two-year anniversary of the day of my diagnosis.

I confess, I don't really know where to begin. I read through my entire caringbridge blog over the past few days. I am so grateful to have that as a reminder of some things...things I had forgotten, shoved away to the very darkest recesses of my mind. Not that these memories were bad, but they are almost like the experiences of another person. That wasn't me, I didn't go into the hospital barely holding on to the last vestiges of life, only to be diagnosed with leukemia. It wasn't me who spent the next few months in and out of the hospital. I think when my hair grew back I put that person away in the back of my mind with all my other...not unpleasant, but difficult memories.

This does have a happy ending, I promise. While reading over my caringbridge journal, I realized that it is okay to remember things like that. In fact, it is necessary. What was the point of all those experiences if I don't remember them and USE them in my life?

Actually these thoughts have been going on for a while, especially since coming out to school. The only person I told for the first few months was my Bishop. I started telling this or that person after I felt like I knew them well enough. You all know me well enough to know that I'm not a terribly secretive person. I'm fine with talking about treatment, what it does to me, how I'm feeling, etc. I didn't wear a wig because I felt like it would be hiding what really was going on in my life. I think that choosing not to tell people made my first few months out here a lot harder than they should have been. For instance, one night, we had a party at my house. Well, I hadn't been feeling well and was mostly keeping to my room...until I started throwing up. When it stopped for a moment, I went out into the kitchen to get a cup and some water so I could take a zofran (anti-nausea pill), but I had to walk through all the people to get to the kitchen. I really didn't have any energy to spare on trying to look like everything was alright, and so people probably ended up with the impression that I was in a foul mood. Not to mention it was difficult trying to throw up quietly.

A little while ago Jessica and I decided that it was time--that she is fine with people knowing, and I as well. Since then, I feel twenty pounds lighter. If someone asks about my hair, instead of being evasive or changing the subject, I just tell them the truth. (there have been quite a few instances where people asked either what made me decide to cut my hair so short, if I had ever had it long, if it is naturally curly etc and I answered in such a way that I'm sure they went away with the impression that I am either extremely odd or perhaps not the brightest crayon)

Overall, it has been a great two years. I'm not kidding, I'm not exaggerating; these past two years have been absolutely amazing and I am so grateful for them. I love each one of you; thank you for keeping up with me, and praying for me.

In case I don't post again before Christmas, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Now, go bake some cookies!